Sunday, November 06, 2005 

Who Cut the Cheese?

I've been going crazy lately with a lot of different stuff. Writing update is forthcoming - until then, I have been messing with making comic books from real pictures. Here is a peek at a page. Let me know what you think. Click on the pic for a much larger version.

Sunday, October 30, 2005 

Straight Up Off The Hook...

Who says geek parties are all Klingons & star wars marathons? I don't remember a whole hell of a lot after about 2a.m. Fortunately, I documented the debauchery with our new digital camera. I love technology!

CLICK HERE or the photo above to see the pics!

Saturday, October 29, 2005 

Writing Contest Update & Special Guest, Angie!

Great response to the writing contest, and a few updates have been made.

The Contest

Over the next few weeks, I am going to post a number of articles about writing, along with a writing prompt. Anyone who follows along with the articles & prompts should have a finished story at the end.

Those that choose to follow along, and submit their regular 'assignment' (prompt), will be entered into a drawing to win FREE WEB HOSTING for a full year. This is not banner or ad supported hosting, either. It's a complete, full featured web hosting package, including 40Mb of space, 1Gig of transfer every month, unlimited email accounts, pre-packaged scripts (blogs, shopping carts, message boards, etc) and much more.

In addition, the winner will be featured here, and will receive their story in e-book form to do as they wish. The winner is encouraged and also receives resources & tools to help him or her promote their story online. Basically, the winner gets a great start to a successful writing career.

I am in the process of working with several connections to get the word out about this contest. If you would like to link to it, I would appreciate that very much. Drop me a note & let me know where you posted the link, and I'll provide a return link. If you need more info about the contest, email me at thegeek@thegeekunderground.com.

To enter the contest, email me at the addy above and let me know you'll be participating.

The Prompt

This is the first prompt in a series. Begin your journey by describing your main character. Tell me everything you know about him or her. What do they look like? What do they dress like? What are their physical, emotional & spiritual concerns? Just sit down and start writing. Don't worry about syntax, grammer or anything else - this isn't going to be seen by anyone but you and I.

After you finish, email your character description to me at thegeek@thegeekunderground.com.

***

Special Guest, Angie!

As you may have noticed, I have a new resident in the rent my blog box over there on the right. This week, Angie of "Ficken Chingers" is featured. So here's what I want you to do: scroll over there and check her blog out. She's a rockin' chick with a rockin' blog. Don't believe me? That's OK, cuz I got to interview Angie via email earlier, and here it is, published for all of you:

How long have you been blogging?

I started blogging on October 30, 2004. That means my bloggy birthday (or is that blogiversary?) is coming up. Um, where's the party??

What is your favorite blogging tool or resource?

Wait...there are blogging tools and resources??

What makes a good blog?

A good blog, simply put, is one that entertains me. A blog that is entertaining can be funny, serious, snarky, whatever, but usually not political. ;)

If you had a chance to interview anyone as a 'Special Guest' on your blog, who would it be?

Wow, what a hard question! Anyone who reads my blog knows that I am such a "star gazer." Star as in celebrities. I'm going to be all shallow here and NOT pick someone from history. I'm not going to pick someone smart and intellectual who might tell me the meaning of life. I will have to say...Dave Matthews. It would be an interview where he was so in tune with me, he would answer the questions before I even asked. Then, he would insist on singing to me, where I would melt into a puddle on my chair. Do you think he would leave his wife for a fat, married, 80s freak from Indiana? Hang on..were you thinking an interview with another in blog land, because if so just totally turned that into a big weird thing. Nevermind. Next question?

You've been elected President of the Blogosphere - what do you do first?

That's Madame President to you. Oh, and could you bow upon my entering the room? A bowl of m&m's would be nice, too. Ok, a woman's work is never done. What would I do first? Make my blog the prettiest in the land...and the wittiest. :) Otherwise, I would have a NO WHINING policy! Opinions, yes. Whining, NO. You whine, you lose your blog. (unless, of course, you are MY bloggy friend whereas I would have many many exceptions to the rule. Hey, I'M in charge.)

What is your secret to blogging success?

My secret to blogging success. In a word? Nudity.

If you mean, how did I get regular readers, then it was downright whoring myself all over the blog world. I surfed blogs. I commented like crazy. I joined Blog Explosion. I played the meet and greet at micheleagnew.com. Now, I have a handful of people who actually come back to see what I write. Suckers!

Tell us something we don't know about you.

I secretly would love to be a writer...of erotica.

 

Your Assignment, Should You Choose To Accept It..(CONTEST!)

I know a lot of writers drop by my site. I got a taste of just how many when I posted "How to Overcome Writer's Block" over at The Geek Advisor today. I received a couple of comments & a handful more emails asking to expand on the concept. I thought I would do so here.

The premise of the article is simple: All writers, from time to time, suffer regular bouts of writer's block. The key to overcoming this is two-fold:

1. Realize & accept that most of what you write will be junk. There is no way possible to sit down and write the 'Great American Novel' in one shot. Instead, the writer should focus on getting their thoughts, opinions, ideas, beliefs and everything else out on paper. While doing so, remember that you have total control over what is actually seen & by whom. If you don't want anyone to see a particular piece, then it's your choice to keep it from the public.

2. Writer's block is nothing more than the editor inside you. The Internal Editor keeps you from actually putting words to paper, instead drawing your focus to correct wording, sentence structure, spelling, etc.

The Contest

If you are like many, you can feel the writer inside you bursting at the seems. You know you have to write, but everytime you sit down to do so, the blank page just stares at you. So, in an effort to help you kickstart your writing career, I am going to provide you with your first 'assignment':

Tell me about your main character. Don't worry about spelling, sentence structure or anything else - don't even worry about dialogue. Just tell me about your character. What are they like? What are their likes & dislikes. What do they look like? Describe him or her in detail. I want to know their backgrounds, their quirks and so on.

Over the next few weeks, I will post a series of articles on overcoming writer's block. Those that choose to send their assignments to The Geek Underground will be entered into a drawing to be held at the end of November. The winner will receive FREE web hosting for one full year from The Geek Underground. Our web host accounts include 40Mb of banner & popup-free space with a gig of transfer every month. It also includes unlimited email accounts, and support for many popular programming languages, including CGI, PHP, and Front Page extensions.

The winner will also be featured right here on this blog, where we will follow his or her progress with their story. Finally, a published ebook of the finished product will be provided if the winner so chooses. In plain words, the winner will be well on his or her way to being self-published, with a completely web-ready ebook to sell, and a website to sell it from.

To enter the contest, simply send us your name & email address to thegeek@thegeekunderground.com. Then, follow along with the upcoming articles and submit your assignments as requested.

That's all there is to it! What are you waiting for? Start writing today!

Thursday, October 27, 2005 

Best Condoms?

Ever wonder who makes the best condoms? Check out today's Geek Advisor - answers to the burning questions of life, from a geek's perspective.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 

New Blogs

Just a quick note to let everyone know I have just created & then updated the following cool blogs:

The Geek Mafia
http://thegeekmafia.blogspot.com

The Geek Advisor
http://geekadvisor.blogspot.com

TheGeek

 

BoobieBlogaThon "Best Of..." Contest FAQ

So I've received quite a few emails aking more about the BoobieBlogaThon "Best Of..." contest. I'll try to answer these questions here:

1. What is the BoobieBlogaThon? Basically, it's my attempt at making my blog not suck. ;)

2. Why should I send a pic of my boobies to you? Because everyone who submits a pic will receive an entry into the 'Best of...' contest. The winner will receive a full year of FREE web hosting for whatever they want. This is not banner supported hosting. It is full featured, including unlimited email accounts, unlimited autoresponders, support for all kinds of programming languages, several different 'flavors' of blogs and a whole hell of a lot more. Basically, you can do whatever the hell you want with your web space, from hosting a personal site, a business site or your blog(s). I don't care what you do with it.

3. I'm a guy, can I send a pic of my boobies too? Sure! I'm an equal opportunity blogger :) Besides, there are plenty of bloggettes out there who wouldn't mind drooling over a guy's chest. And yes, guys will be entered into the contest as well.

4. What are you going to do with my boobie pic? All boobie pics will be placed on a separate page, where only those who frequent my blog enough will know where to find & vote on them. I won't be charging an access fee - it's all free. All I want is more traffic to my blog!

5. What kind of boobie pics are acceptable? ALL BOOBIE PICS submitted will be used. How you present them is entirely up to you. If you want to cover them, sobeit. If you only want to share a little cleavage, that's fine too. If you want the whole world to gaze upon your bare boobies, far be it from me to turn you down!

6. Where can I send my boobie pic? All pics should be sent via email to: thegeek@thegeekunderground.com. It will help the process if you put 'BoobieBlogaThon Pic' in the subject line.

Did I leave any questions out? If so, let me know.

TheGeek

 

The Geek Advisor & FREE web hosting!

The last few days have been hectic. Over the weekend, my wife had me working to prepare for our annual Halloween party, which meant cleaning out the garage and completing the remodel job we started in the den. She kept herself busy with the remodel, and I spent my time in the garage.

Nonetheless, my mind has been wandering with things to do with this blog. I'm glad the last couple of stories went over well, and am looking forward to publishing a few more like them. In the meantime, I have been beating my head against the wall trying to figure out how to keep my posts alive, fresh & interesting.

Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting on the toilet reading this month's issue of Playboy (my wife & I have become regular readers since our son's incident), and it hit me. Of particular interest was the 'Playboy Advisor', where people write in about everything & anything. I started thinking that would be a cool addition to this blog.

So, in honor of Playboy's Advisor, I am going to start answering your questions right here in a feature called, "The Geek Advisor". Ask me anything, and you can rest assured that I will cut through the bullshit & give you a straight up answer. If you have a burning question you want answered, whether it's about computers, the internet, cars, women, men, sex or anything else, please send it to me at thegeek@thegeekunderground.com. Not all questions will be answered, though I will do my best to do so.

You may also notice the "Geek Mafia" graphic over there on the right hand side. That's my webring, and I'm looking for a few good geeks to join 'the family'. I don't care what skill level you are. In fact, this is probably a place that many newbie & wannabe geeks will find useful. So, click the "Join" link and slap the graphic on your site. I welcome your input.

BoobieBlogaThon Update

I'm still working on the BoobieBlogaThon, and have received a bigger response than I expected. Sometime this wekkend, I'm going to put the photos I have received thus far on a separate page, so as not to offend any of my weaker minded readers. I am still accepting pics - tasteful, of course (though I won't be offended by a pair of bare boobies - I'm a guy, after all ; -). Your boobie pic will be put to great use - promoting my blog! If you want to know more about the BoobieBlogaThon, check this out: Boobies! BOOBIES!

To make things a little more interesting, I have decided to implement a voting system whereby visitors can vote for the best boobie pic. The winner will receive a full year of web hosting, ad free, through my servers. The hosting account can be used for whatever the winner wants, and comes with too many features to list all of here. A few of the nicer features include 40Mb of space, unlimited email (you@yourdomain.com) accounts, PHP, CGI, FrontPage support and a whole hell of a lot more. Each account also comes with free shopping carts, message forums and more. If you want a shot at winning FREE hosting for a year, send me a boobie pic at thegeek@thegeekunderground.com.

Alright, so that about does it for this post. I'm sorry it's not quite as interesting as the previous two, but have patience. There is definately more to come...

TheGeek

Friday, October 21, 2005 

Turn the Page...

My son is 12 years old. He is developing his own styles, opinions, views and just plain developing. I feel that I have been bestowed a great gift & honor in being able to watch him grow (both upward & outward), and only hope that I can guide him to become an honest & productive member of society. So far, so good.

My wife and I have worked hard to instill good decision-making skills in him and his sister, and it has paid off. I'm not saying we've done the perfect job, but I think we've done a hell of a lot better than some parents.

A good example is his taste in friends. I have only had a problem with one kid he used to hang out with, but that wasn't because he was a bad kid. He just whined way too much. He's an only child, and when he doesn't get his way, he throws a fit. That's fine in a 3 year old, but 12? Come on, now. In any event, we don't see the kid much anymore since we moved away from that neighborhood, so that's a bit of relief.

Then there's Frankie. We call Frankie our "third child". He's a good kid, and quite the antithesis of the whiner. In fact, at one point, Frankie and the whiner even clashed for whatever reason (the whiner didn't get his way, if I remember correctly). Fortunately, things turned out that he became favored with my son over the whiner. Eventually, you'd hardly find the two apart, walking the neighborhood like they owned it, and for all I know, they did.

We came to be very familiar with Frankie, over casual discussion during many meals he shared with us. We came to know his manners (impeccable, I might add), his tastes and habits, which included carrying around a little black case.

On many occasions, I would find Frankie and my son engaged in a ruthless battles between G.I. Joe and Cobra for supremacy over the tree saplings in our front yard. The result was always the same - G.I. Joe eventually won. Unfortunately, that didn't translate to preferential treatment. In the end, all of them were put to rest for the next battle in that little black clase. During the summer months, the case became home to an assortment of water guns, water grenades, etc.

A couple of months ago, my wife and I returned home to find the case laying under the kitchen table. This was odd, as Frankie always had the case with him. My wife picked it up, noticing that it seemed a little light. Generally, it was jam packed with toys, which would have made it a little heavier. Out of sheer morbid curiosity, and half wondering if the case had outlived its purpose, she opened it. The fact that there was something in there didn't surpise her half as much as the actual contents did.

It was the June, 2004 issue of Playboy.

We just kind of stared at each other for a moment. We had known this day would come, but were nonetheless caught completely off guard.

I decided not to say anything to my son, at least for the moment. I needed time to collect my thoughts, and decide how I would handle this. I wasn't mad - just totally unprepared. I waited until the next day, when my son returned home from school.

He followed his usual pattern: walk in the door, get food, watch t.v. When he settled in to an episode of C.S.I., I came down the stairs with the magazine. He didn't immediately realize what I was doing until I had tossed the Playboy onto the coffee table. He knew the gig was up, and his entire demeanor suddenly reflected the abject horror and defeat.

I proceeded to deliver the spiel I had practiced several times the night before (and in the shower that morning, and in my head during the meeting at work...). I didn't go off the deep end. I figured it would be pointless, and would only push him into hiding shit from me. So I calmly explained to him that I didn't think he should be looking at this kind of stuff at his age.

"When you're older, I'll buy you a subscription." I offered. "But right now, you need to think about being a kid, and doing kid stuff. Save this shit for later." As a matter of fact, I had already decided to stash the magazine. I planned on presenting it to him on his 18th birthday.

My spiel probably lasted less than ten minutes. To me, it felt longer. I was worried about rambling, but wanted to be sure that my point got across. Through the entire thing, he sat quiet. His eyes rarely left the floor. When they did, it was to give me a quick glance. His shoulders remained slumped the entire time. Normally, he sits & walks with his shoulders high, almost with an air of arrogance.

He didn't say much during the ordeal, only speaking to answer my questions.

"Where did you get this?" Apparently, someone down the road had moved, leaving it behind in the trash. I could tell he was being honest about everything, and tried to show him that I respected him for that.

When it was over with, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was thankful it was over with. This was probably the second hardest thing I've ever faced as a father, the first place position being occupied by "Having THE TALK" with my son. I had already conquered that one almost a year before.

Realizing that I had a ton of shit to get done, I decided to end the conversation on a positive note, and make one more attempt at showing him that I respected his thoughts. I asked him if he had anything else he needed or wanted to say, and emphasized that I was working hard at being there for him when he needed me. As parents, my wife and I try to allow our kids to talk to us about anything and everything, with openness & honesty.

He paused for a moment, and then raised his eyes to me. I still can't figure out if his reply was a statement or a question:

"I guess you want the rest of them".

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 

Poof! There goes my dignity.


I use Old Spice High Endurance bar soap. I like it. It works. It's cheap, it smells good, and it goes with the Old Spice deodorant, Old Spice shaving cream, Old Spice razor, Old Spice...well, you get the picture. So earlier this week, my wife and I made our regular trek to the local Wal Mart, with the intention of buying a few groceries and of course, restocking my Old Spice shit.

When we got there, I noticed almost immediately that my soap was not in its usual place. I spent about ten minutes walking up & down the soap aisle, thinking maybe I had just overlooked it. Finally, I found an employee stocking items in the next aisle, and asked where I could find the Old Spice High Endurance bar soap.

"We don't carry that anymore!" She said it with a smile.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been using this soap for quite a few years now, and Wal Mart no longer carried it? Sure, I could use one of those girly soaps - the ones that, no matter how much you rinse, leave you feeling like you have a layer of slick soapscum all over. No thanks. I could switch to Irish Spring, but I'm Scottish, so I don't know how that would work out. I don't feeling like singing in the shower or any shit like that, so that leaves out the Zest. No, I wanted my Old Spice High Endurance bar soap.

"Do you have any Old Spice alternatives?" I asked, considering a switch to a different flavor of Old Spice.

"Yes! It's right here." She stood on her tiptoes while reaching for a bottle - yes, I said bottle - of Old Spice High Endurance (prepare yourself) body wash. Now, you have to understand a few things about me: I'm a guy. I drink beer, shoot guns and drive an SUV. I don't watch Oprah, I don't need (or want) an extreme makeover and I sure as hell don't use 'body wash'. As I pondered my options, my wife suggested that I should at least try it, seeing as how it WAS Old Spice, after all.

With a furrow in my brow, I reluctantly agreed.

The next morning, I woke up and jumped in the shower. After I lathered my hair up with shampoo (Pert Plus, if you really wanted to know), I reached for the bottle of 'body wash'. I examined the bright red container, trying to prepare myself for what was to come. Realizing that if I didn't just hurry up and get it over with that I would end up walking around smelling funny all day, I grabbed a rag, squirted the blue gel on it and got to scrubbing.

It didn't take long before I realized that all that was happening was the gel was spreading thinly over my skin. There were no manly hoards of bubbles, marching down my arms, showing me that SOMETHING was happening - my skin was getting clean and didn't just 'smell good'.

So, I did what any man in my situation would do. I squirted more on the rag, and attempted to work up a lather. This time, the evil blue gel just smeared over the rag.

"Babe?" I needed the advice of my wife. I figured that she would be able to tell me what the hell I was doing wrong.

"You're doing it wrong." She said it in her helpful voice, but the smile that spanned her face said she was thinking something other than being helpful. "You have to use a poof!"

Ah shit.

"What the hell is a poof?" I asked. She reached into the shower, and produced a small, lace-ball hanging by a string from the shower head. Until that point, I thought it was some kind of shower decoration.

"It will help exfoliate your skin," she advised as she placed the devil-lace-ball into my hand.

Folx, when future civilizations come across the remains of our society, they will eventually come to the conclusion that the destruction of America - the one we know and love today - began with 'the poof'. 'The poof' embodies all that is wrong with society when it comes to de-emasculating our men. My Gramps never would have even thought of the possibility of using 'the poof' (or body wash, for that matter).

To the men of America, I realize that some of you enjoy "exfoliating". What you do in the privacy of your own home is completely up to you. I don't really give a rat's red ass. But PLEASE, don't force your fucked up preferences on me. It really isn't cool - not even a little.

To the more manlier of our species, I call upon you to rise up and save your country. This is an issue that directly affects your ability to see the world logically. It leads to harder vices, such as facials and manicures and other estrogen-building activities.

Do it for your children, and for your children's children. Do it for your country. Show your patriotic side and exercise your right to free speech by picketing your local Wal Mart. Force them to cave under the pressure of the ideals that made this Country the Great Nation it once was. Besides, it gives you a great excuse for getting together with other like-minded, manly men and having a tailgate party.

We can win this one, if we just hang in there and FIGHT!

TheGeek

 

TheGeekUnderground.com Annual Boobie BlogaThon Launch

So here they are, folx. I promised I would kick this thing off, and I was even successful in enlisting my wife's help. If you're wondering what the hell I'm doing with pics of me and my wife's boobies on here, read the "Boobies...BOOBIES" post a couple down.

I'm planning on updating sites tomorrow, so I'll have current stats available. Otherwise, it's past my bed time, and I gotta work in the morning.

TheGeek

Official NaNoWriMo 2005 Participant

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  • From Grand Junction, Colorado, United States
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